Monday, September 26, 2011

Waiting for Baby to Kick.

Waiting for the Baby to Kick.


We are officially first time home owners, as of September 12th, 20011. The process for my wife, by her own admission, was a little like pregnancy was for me: she was removed from so much of the hands on process it didn't feel real. Like a lot of husbands whom have to hear the heartbeat or feel the baby kick from inside the womb she needed some experience to get the sense it was all happening, that it was all real. This is not about her experience, though, but about mine.

At several points I have noticed something rather significant in my mindset. Bearing in mind I searched the MLS listings, I contacted the lender (repeatedly), I talked with all staff and faxed every document, I corresponded and coordinated with each party, I arranged the inspections and researched the different vendors (like the AC guy, the plumbing guy, the this and that guy) in case they were needed or just to get the quotes used to request money off selling price for repairs.. yeah, i did it all, and was intricately tied in to the process... bearing that in mind, I still notice there is so much greater depth to the sense of it "really being mine" for me to have. Understandably it is a transition from almost 2 decades of renter-mentality (i've been on my own for almost 20 years now, since moving out for college at 18) to an owner's mentality. Understandably I am writing this as only the large pieces of furniture (and none fo the gazillion boxes of books, toys, and crap) are moved, and I am still with half a month on the old apartment's lease. Understandably I am exhausted from a weekend of moving heavy stuff. Understandably I am eating left-over pizza and food from caps with pop tops cause we are waiting for a new fridge to be delivered.

I suspect the still not being settled fully into the house and fully into a fixed routine with the kids, plays a part. What strikes me is the sense of newness to everything, as if i am just starting out. It is true this is a new phase of life but it is a new phase within a context - a context whose over-arching narrative extends a good deal back and appreciably forward presumably. Why then this de-contextualization to feel as though this is newly beginning? Granted we bought th house at the beginning of what the calendar says is Fall, and I have always identified this with the start of a new semester and new beginnings in the schooling system, and so there is a component there to the feeling.

Bottom-lining it for you: i am interested in this transitioning into an owner's mentality, the dynamics of the process thereof, and the change it brings to certain base assumptions.